This article first appeared in BLEECH magazine. Enjoy!

Is He Really Prince Charming?

10 Ways to Tell If Your Man has Toad Potential
  

He's gorgeous, talented, and athletic, with the body of a Greek God. However, does the object of your affection have everything it takes to keep you blissfully content? Here are some tell-tale signs that Mr. Perfect might be anything but your ideal mate.

1. You have to wrestle for his attention.

Is the high score on his video game more important than you? Does 'boy's night out' happen more often than your nights together? If you're reduced to groveling and begging to get him to spend time with you, toss him back in the pond.

2. Mirror, mirror on the wall…

Nothing wrong with a guy who takes pride in his looks, but does he have a love affair going on with his own reflection? Your self esteem will have a tough time competing with his inflated ego. Give him a compact and comb as going away presents.

3. His neck has been rubberized.

Ah, yes. There isn't a thing that will make a girl feel more special than having her man blatantly check out every other female that walks past. It may be true that death is the only thing that stops us from looking, but most of us have developed the fine art of discretion. If his motor skills are hampered by his inability to stay focused, find someone with better peripheral vision.

4. Heard the stories, seen the victims.

Not only have you heard the local gossip (which you were quick to dismiss as just that), but he doesn't seem to have a problem sharing his exploits with you. His idea of meaningful conversation is a laundry list of what he's done and to whom. Don't become part of his inventory.

5. He thinks he's a sculptor.

We could all stand a few small improvements, some more than others. But, is Picasso constantly suggesting things you should change to make him 'happier'? Is he resistant to change himself, on any level? You should be desired for who you are, not molded into someone else's fantasy.

6. Mother knows best.

A fast way to determine how your guy will treat you is to watch how he treats his mother (or the other women in his family). Any negativity he shows her could eventually shift your way. On the flip side is the mama's boy, who can't seem to let go of his mommy. Not only will his infantile behavior grate on your nerves, but you'll notice a definite lack of backbone should there be a dispute between you and the family matriarch. Stick to playing with the big boys instead.

7. He's an expert, on everything.

Sure, we want someone who is reasonably intelligent. However, if he tries to appear smarter than he really is by knocking everything that comes out of your mouth, he's got some issues. Suggest a few therapists and keep walking.

8. Fight Night isn't just a game.

If he isn't starting battles, he's finishing them. His arguments are punctuated with his fists, and he feels perfectly justified in doing so. "But he'd never hit me," you assume. Think again and back away slowly. You could be his next opponent.

9. Trips are booked through a dealer.

His idea of a good time is mentally leaving the planet. Don't believe for a minute that you can change that with encouragement, support or even nagging. Leave him to his travels and concentrate on the guys who are grounded.

10. He's so tight, he squeaks.

Whoever said "money doesn't buy happiness" apparently had lots of it. Should Romeo be unwilling to share his wealth, or he's helping to lighten the load in your wallet, take your first step toward financial freedom…right out the door.

No matter what stage your relationship is at, if it's giving you the 'uh-oh' feeling, listen to your instincts and run like a thief. Believing that he'll adjust or grow out of annoying (or dangerous) habits can set you up for a lifetime of misery. Find a partner who will help you become the strong, vibrant woman you were destined to be. Even if it doesn't last 'forever', your relationship(s) should have a positive impact on your life, not send you scrambling for a shrink's couch or a restraining order. You owe yourself that much.

©2006, Arlie MacGregor